because nobody reads this I can say whatever the fuck I want and no one will care. I can say the most devilish things, things that most push out of their brain I can indulge. I can say everything I feel, everything I've done, and everything I desire.
Fuck it. No one reads this anyway.
I can't do this much longer. Not this way. Too much stress. Even the ones I love feel it. I feel it. And I never learn. It's always the same story. And one day she'll leave me and I'll be sorry. I'm self-destructive to such a fault, sometimes even plotting out the worst case scenarios and living them out. When it's over and my tower crashes and I have nothing, and I have nothing to offer, and I have no one to turn to (and rightfully so), what then? Fade into the obscurity of the American landscape... and probably in more ways than one.